White Mist
by Lone Quincy
Summary: The diary of Gin Ichimaru. This contains GinHitsu and GinKira maybe Gin x Aizen. Shonen Ai that may turn into a Yaoi.
1. Chapter 1

So many years had past since I had first become a Shinigami, quite frankly the only thing that had changed was the way I acted and dressed. I was no longer a cheerful child, now only an empty shell with a plastered smile. I had done it all for Matsumoto, but I heard she was training to become one too. Next thing I know she's a lieutenant just as I was. She was always intelligent and strong, but just as lazy as both combined.

I met a white haired 'prodigy" as they called him thanks to her, an energetic boy to me, but something about him caught my eye. It was as if he was not here because he wanted to, but because he had to. He felt strong yet you could also tell that he did not have a good control of his powers. In other word he was weak. I honestly didn't like him at first, but after a while I began to enjoy teasing him. I became a captain a short while after figuring that out and later on so did he. Toshiro was his name and he was indeed strong, but not as strong as me. I don't mean to sound cocky, but it's true. My bankai compared to his was much better. Nevertheless he never ceased to amaze me.

One day, mid-summer if I recall correctly, I saw him walking down a dirt path as if he couldn't walk on a roof to keep himself clean; his actions intrigued me so I followed him. He had gone to visit an old woman whom he was very kind to and clearly knew well. I then found myself following him more and more often, like some obsessed man yet I didn't know why during those days. He confronted me about it once and I smiled, blew it off, told him he was crazy. Fact is I was crazy, crazy in love with him, but I knew it wouldn't work out so I backed off and gave him space so I could forget about him.

He was truly beautiful and even more so as the years past. There was only one flaw to him and that was his friend or sister, Momo Hinamori. I never really understood what she was to him, but I digress, she was annoying and the way she practically clung to _him _didn't help the way I thought about her. She was nothing like her _'brother'_.

One day I was talking to Aizen and she walked in without even knocking, so, I was startled and she gave a soft giggle. I believe she thought I had not heard her and she should have kept it that way, but because Aizen was there she opened that mouth of hers and spoke.

"You flinched Captain Ichimaru did I scare you?" She asked in a playful tone to which I replied to coldly.

"I loved the way ya knocked 'n let everyone know ya were comin' in so we wouldn't have been interrupted or anythin'." She frowned and, of course, Aizen had just watched the whole thing with that nasty smile of his. I believe that was the day she started to hate me, which was of big help to me. That day went on like any other just that this marvelous summer I bumped into a certain snowflake.

"Oof!" The other party said in a tone that made it sound like the wind had been knocked out of him.

"Shiro-chan ya need ta look up when yer walkin' not everyone is as short as you are~" I replied in a playful tone to his grunt.

"Shut up! Maybe you should have walked on the correct side." He walked around me and I placed my hand just above his head so my slender fingers could feel his snowy hair. All just to bother him.


	2. Chapter 2

**And here is part two. Should have said it was two parts. In fact each "chapter" will be just another part to the life of Gin Ichimaru.**

* * *

Not long after that day I had a drunken Matsumoto sitting in front of me, she was such an interesting person when drunk. She would talk about almost anything and it made me laugh. I ended up having to carry her back to the tenth division barracks after I, so skillfully, managed to make her pass out. I can still remember the cool breeze and the first leaf of fall, well, fall. I also remember the tiny Taicho sitting with the doors to his room open. The light of the moon made his hair shine in such a beautiful way. That was the day I finally figured out my feelings for him.

Kira woke me up the next day at noon and I couldn't even fake a smile from how much my head hurt.

"You really can't hold your sake can't you Ichimaru-Taicho?" He asked knowing fully well how I would reply seeing as we had been together for such a long time, not just as captain and lieutenant, but as much more.

"Why don' ya heal me with those soft hands o' yers, ne Kira?" It would always make him blush a bit the way I would openly flirt with him when we were alone during the day, yet when we were alone at night he was a whole different person. But I digress, that day I didn't do much because of the headache Matsumoto had given me, in fact Kira stayed by my side and that day to help with the paper work.

He sat silently next to my futon only speaking when he wasn't sure about something causing that afternoon to role by very slowly. Of course he had bad luck when he came to me though and I would make him pay for having caused me to stay in bed all afternoon with him being so cold to me for at night I made sure he would never think about boring me to death again. If it wasn't for the fact that he had muffled his voice everyone in the third squad would remember my rank and name, not that they shouldn't know it, but if they didn't they would have now.

The next morning I began to ponder some thoughts seeing as ever since I was young I had always been attracted to what was beautiful and to me Kira was extremely beautiful up until the moment I ended up figuring out what I felt for Toshiro really was. Not that Kira's beauty ended there of course, he was still as beautiful as ever it's just I never thought that I would love another the way I had originally loved Kira, but there he was. The loophole to my thoughts, Hitsugaya Toshiro, of course the day I had had a hangover I made love to Kira with the passion that Hitsugaya had reignited, causing my poor lieutenant to stay in bed the next day. Never once have I regretted doing anything to my lovely Kira except that. I had practically betrayed his love by making love to him and thinking of another. God does it still bug me, but enough of that.

Kira was in bed for only half the day and all the paperwork had been finished thanks to him the day before which meant I was free to prowl the streets of the Soul Society the way I liked to. To my luck I bumped into the man that had caused Kira's immobility.

"Taicho-han~ I haven't seen ya 'round lately." I chirped with a bright smile, in fact I believe it was the only real smile I had ever made in a while. Of course he only growled at me with a light blush. Had what I had done to his snowy white hair caused this? It had been so long ago though it cannot be possible. No matter I did not change what I wanted to do to him. I still wanted to hold him the way I had held Kira countless times in the past and I would do it even if it cost me my life here in the Soul Society.

"What do you want Ichimaru?" He asked in an ice cold tone with chis cheeks a pale shade of red. Oh my just remembering just a face makes me smile. He sounded so angry at me, but his face said otherwise it was truly something should wish to see. No, I would never let anyone see the beautiful Toshiro with a face flushed red like that. Never.

"Well ya seem a bit off Taicho-han. Are ya okay?" I asked in a teasing tone hoping to get more out of him than a death stare with a flushed face.

"I'm fine now leave me alone and go do your job." He muttered as he tried to walk past me again, but this time instead of just having my fingers hover over him I placed my hand so that my cold fingers would graze his soft and warm cheeks. He froze in his tracks at the action and I almost giggled.

"What do you think you're doing!?" He exclaimed in a questioning tone as he turned around with a furious glare.

"Yer cheeks are red do ya have a fever?" I asked simply ignoring his question and smiling down at him as if nothing had ever happened.

"Don't fuck with me Ichimaru!" He yelled and my eyes snapped open, exposing the soft pale blue tone they had.

"Mah mah, Toshiro, what a foul mouth ya have. Didn't Matsumoto raise ya ta do better than that? Hm? Might have ta have a talk with her 'bout this." My eyes slowly closed as the astonishment went away. We both just waked away after that not saying another word to each other for the next week.


	3. Chapter 3

**Reviews would be nice seeing as I think this is a really bad story...**

* * *

That week went by slowly as my afternoon with Kira had, but it wasn't as boring. I suppose it was because I had his image in my head most of the time. I felt like I was betraying the man I had loved for such a long time, but what could I do? My heart was what was splitting us apart. One day I finally decided to tell him that it was over, it hurt me to see that calm face of his be distorted by anguish. He asked me why countless times but all I could say is that my heart had betrayed us both. I held onto him for as long as he needed to be held and at some point I even cried with him. I have never been so devastated in my life and I am sure it would only get worse.

The days went by with Kira only glancing at me and speaking to me only when I asked him a question, which made my heartache and yell with such pain that I almost wanted to hold him, tell him I had been wrong. Kiss him, make love to him and tell him how much I loved him, but at that very moment the man who had caused this all walked in. Matsumoto came in first which made me think she was going to ask me to go drinking, but instead she went to Kira. He glanced back at me as she spoke, nodded, and left with her. Moments after they had left her Captain Toshiro walked in with the stern look.

"Ichimaru I want you to tell me what's going on here." He asked as his ice cold features changed into that of a child who was speaking to their first crush, my eyes of course lit up at the tone his voice had taken and I stood.

"What do ya mean Taicho-han?" I asked as I walked over to him and placed my hand over his cheek, cupping it gently. "Did ya finally become a big boy 'n are hear ta ask me 'bout yer body?" I added with a cheap smile as I lifted his chin so I could see his flushed face clearly.

"You very well know that is not what I mean. You tease me all the time and it's starting to really bug me. I want to know why you do it Ichimaru. Why?" He seemed a bit bothered by the fact that I hesitated to reply, but it didn't matter to me. I simply smiled once more before replying.

"I do it 'cause I like ta do it. I do it 'cause it's ye that m' doin' it ta. Yer a very attractive fello' did ya know that Hime?" I asked him as I leaned down and planted the first kiss of many on his pale skin, on the tip of his nose. He blushed a deep red and I couldn't help but smile. "Hime ya look cute when yer pale skin is all red like that." Hitsugaya only blushed an even darker red at my words. I had won.

He ran out of my office that day and didn't speak to me for the next month, September. He came to me on the day of my birthday and gave me the best gift of all, himself. Oh if I could just tell you how I took the small boys virginity in almost a heartbeat. We hadn't seen each other in such a long time and for him to say such a thing on his first day back to see me. I almost cried.

I was sitting at my office when he barged in uninvited, I even had to tell Kira to go away. Sadly things between us were still a bit bad and I couldn't really say anything to him ever since we broke up that wasn't about work. It felt like I was walking on thin ice with him.

"I-Ichimaru… I know it's your birthday because Matsumoto told me and… I… I wanna give you something you can never get from someone else." He had said it in such a calm tone, as if he had practiced it many times over.

"What is that Shiro-chan?" I asked with a sly smile as he walked even closer. I didn't get up this time so he wouldn't be startled. So that if he was here to make love like I thought he would then we could do it on my desk, the only place I hadn't completely devowered Kira during out years together.

Hitsugaya cleared his throught and began to speak again. "I want you to make all these feelings I have clear. I want you to make all these thoughts I have about you stop. Explain to me why I have them if you know." He said with a long pause. "Ichimaru I think I love you." He mumbled after that.

I was pleased with myself at his words, truly pleased. "Toshiro do ys know what ya are sayin' an' ta who? Mah love ain't somethin' ta joke with." I began as I waved him over so that he would come closer, which he did. "I will love ya in ways ya've never imagined an' I don' want ya ta hate me after it." I said as he now stood right in front of my desk. "I jus' want ta make it clear ta ya is all."

"I know." He said. "I know what it means to love you. I… I talked to Kira about it and he told me what you were capable of. I was scared at first, but I just can't get over you. You aren't some crush Ichimaru!" He exclaimed as if yelling would make me understand. "I really love you. I don't know what you did to make me this way, but it's true… So true that looking at you without_ being_ with you hurts lately." He said as he walked around the desk and placed a hand of his on my cheek. "I… I wanna be with you _Gin_."

What a time to say my name for the first time. It was as if he had planned it all out with Kira, the man who knew me best. I was so enchanted by his words that I couldn't even say anything. He had confessed to me only after a month of my kiss and much longer of my teasing. Not even Kira fell that fast, he truly was a child. "I understand." I said after a gut wrenching pause which seemed to have lasted forever. "I love ya too 'n I did everythin' I did ta catch yer attention. Ta make ya love me." He only closed his eyes at my words, as if he knew.

"Gin… please make me yours." He murmured into my ear as he slid his hand across my shoulder in the most seductive way. He then moved his small body so that he was sitting on me, how I missed the move he made to do so only the gods might know. I slithered my hands around his waist and pulled him in close, leaning my head against his shoulder with a slight smile.

"Do ya have any idea on how happy ya've made me Hime?" I asked as I looked up at him. He took hold of my cheeks with his small hands and leaned down, giving me a soft peck on my lips. My eyes opened a slit at his actions pale blue irises glancing up at him as if he had just asked me to marry him. One can dream.

My hand slipped from his lower back up to the white strands of hair at the nape if his neck. I couldn't help but smile as I returned his kiss with such passion that it made him push himself forward, as if asking for more that I so kindly delivered by pressing my tongue against his closed lips. Slowly the tiny ticho cought on and let me explore his small mouth until he could no longer breath.

He pulled away gasping for air, a shiny strand of saliva still connecting our lips, and looked down at me. "More… I want more than just kisses Gin." He said in a plea, and once again all I could do was all gets hazy after that and quite frankly all I can remember are his moans and cries, him begging for release, for more.


	4. Chapter 4

**Don't think I don't like Nnoitra from how I make him. I actually do and very.**

* * *

Not once did I ever have a fight with him until that fateful day Aizen had finally decided to rebel. It angered me that he would do it while we were still in the honeymoon period of our relationship, from the looks of it it seemed we would never leave it from how madly in love we were, but what goes up must come down.

As the fight began I couldn't help but feel like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. No more loving words would ever leave his lips. Kira also protected me, but it would be his last. I became a sly little thing when things got a bit difficult for me. I could no longer fight the man who had been my lover only a couple of days before, it pained me so much to do so. Once again it all went blank, but not because of pleasure this time because of the pain it had caused my heart.

After all that I can only remember leaving the Seireitei. Leaving Toshiro, Kira, both my former love interests. Maybe someday I will tell you how I took both, ne? But right now it is the only memory that I have which is good from that hell hole I called home for such a long time.

Hueco Mundo was also a hell hole now that I think about it. Some of the arrancars would sell their body to me for protection, which of course they got for as long as they made it so I would stop thinking about Toshiro for even a minute. Once they couldn't do that I would leave them without warning and they would die at the hand of Nnoitra. Such a fine fellow he was, always taking my leftovers like a good dog. He would always kill them after he was done fucking them over. God it was sickening yet helpful.

At some point during my stay in Hueco Mundo I gave into Aizen and made love to him, taking any position he wanted me to and he would take any I wanted him to in return. It went on like that for a couple of months, up until the point of the invasion. He no longer looked at me with the eyes he had at the beginning, he no longer needed me but I needed him. How mean it was for him to discard me in such a way, yet I had done the same to all those other men and women here in Las Noches that it _was_ the least I deserved.

During all that time they spent in Hueco Mundo they managed to kill so many of the Arrancars, Espada too, that I had begun to think that we were going to lose once more. It hadn't been the first time I had had those thoughts, clearly, and I wasn't about to give up just yet. Not until I had Aizen's blood on my hands, not until he was dead.

We left right before the fourth Espada was eliminated and once we entered the world of the living we were ambushed by the Captains and Lieutenants of a couple of the squads. I don't remember which seeing as both my beloved were also there. Kira and Hitsugaya. It's like they had planned this all out. The fights began after Kaname, Aizen and I were encased in the flames of Yamamoto's zanpakutō.

By the time two of our Espada, Starrk and Barragan, were gone Aizen had lost his patience for Halibel and her refusal to die. Aizen killed her himself of course and then he joined the battle. Kaname died at some point during the battle, but I could care less seeing as my beautiful snowflake had been dancing around and fighting, sadly he impaled the wrong being. Momo to be exact, I do not care for her and was happy to see the sad pathetic being that she was finally die, but she didn't even know how to do that.

By the time Ichigo arrived so much had happened, so many had died and been wounded, and I could care less. He fought me for a bit I even used my bankai on him, yet not how it should be used, no, not yet. My bankai was for Aizen that treacherous man who took me away from my beautiful Toshiro.

Aizen and I managed to go to Karakura town, currently located in the Soul Society, Matsumoto followed. During my time there I played and replayed every single out come, sadly I died in all. But I had to get my revenge even if it was the last thing I would do. We crashed into a couple of friends that Ichigo had and I managed to get Aizen off their back as I did when he tried to kill Matsumoto with his newly acquired form.

I touched his blade and turned on his shortly after, my bankai was of grate use for that battle for I got the Hōgyoku out of him, yet even after all that I lost my arm, no, I lost. Just like in all my thoughts.

I lay there looking up at him from a cold cold plate of stone and I could hear Matsumoto cry, I could feel her tears. Yet all I could see was a white mist that had begun to cloud my vision. Oh how painful it was to see Toshiro, Kira, turn their backs on me and head into that thick white mist. With one last breath I closed my eyes and saw complete darkness, I was dead.

There is that time of seven minutes in which your whole life is replayed right before your eyes like a film. I saw everything once more, relived all the good and bad moments. When I met Kira and our first time, how I fell in love with Toshiro and how that played out. It was all so vivid and then the abrupt end. All was once again black, my lungs had shut down and my heart was only moments behind it and then not even my brain would give me the loving image of Toshiro anymore. All was lost. I has lost.

* * *

**And that's the end. I might write another. Might not. I don't know yet.**


End file.
